TAXI!!!!

I don’t have a car at my disposal in Riyadh, and my colleague is not always available to drive me to and from my hotel from the office. On top of which, he lives on the other side of town with the office in between us and it’s a bit out of his way.

Which means I have had to take a taxi for the last three days. Now, taxi is probably too strong a word for these vehicles. They are more like smelly, rusting, dented boxes on four wheels and a good deal of them should not even be on the road (sounds strangely like SA minibus taxis). Typically, they are Toyota Corolla-size vehicles, but that’s as far as the similarity goes.

On top of it all, people here (everyone, not just taxi drivers) drive like absolute maniacs, making SA taxi drivers look like angels. There are beautifully marked lanes on most of the roads. And the markings are not paint, which might wear off through use, or burn off in the heat. They are cats-eye sort of things that stick out a couple of centimeters.

However, although these are great markings, they are probably the chief reason why people drive like they do, straddling two lanes. Absolutely no-one drives in a single lane unless there is someone in another lane pushing them over, hooting as they pass. That’s another thing…it’s annoying as all hell, but everyone hoots impatiently at each other, even at red lights, for no particular reason. Usually it’s just a single toot, but I think it’s just to make someone aware that you’re behind them and want-to-get-going-as-soon-as-the-light-turns-green-
so-best-you-get-into-gear-now-and-don’t-delay-me-any-
more-than-you-have-to-cos-then-I’m-going-to-jump-on-
the-hooter-until-you-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way.

Worst of all is my colleague, CC, also a Scotsman (as I’ve mentioned) who drives like there’s a pack of armed Sassenachs behind him wanting to look up his kilt to see if he’s wearing underwear or not. He drives all over the road, sometimes crossing three lanes at a time, and there have been times that I’ve found myself gripping the door handle in abject fear of what he’s doing, or what could happen. CC says he’s only had one small accident. Rriiiggghhhtttt……

The traffic police system here is a fuckup. If a Saudi hits a western-driven car from behind, it’s the westerner’s fault. If an Indian driver hits anyone from behind, it’s the Indian’s fault. If a westerner hits an Indian-driven car from behind, it’s STILL the Indian’s fault…..go figure.

As much as I dislike driving around Shit Towne, I’ll take that over driving here…any day…

Get me a beer someone……