Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The coming weekend...

is going to be quite interesting, I believe.

Steph is flying down to Cape Town on Thursday morning and I'll be joining her on Friday, partly for business but mainly for us to look for a place to stay when we move down there at the end of October.

The trip is partly business as our executive agreed that he would fork out the cost of the trip as a business trip if we held a meeting or two, either internally or with clients. It was good of him to do so as it saves us a few grand in flights, hotel and car hire costs.

Friends of ours, who decided after we did to move, are also moving down there and they've already been down to look for houses even thouh they have not sold their place in Shit Towne yet. They reckon there are some really nice places, not too expensive, in Somerset West and mentioned they saw one on sale for R1.2m which included a lovely four-bedroomed house on a 1,000sqm stand. Up to now, we have only seen stands of around 600sqm and we will need the space for Steph's three "children" (she has children, I have dogs). So, no doubt we'll be heading out that way for a look-see and it'll be nice and close to the ocean which is one of my requirements.

In the meantime, I have to arrange a meeting at the Cape Town office, but might already have one lined up to talk about a large retail chain who want some assistance with their business continuity.

I've been looking around on the web, on the property rental sites, for places to rent and there are some reasonable looking places, even if their stands are not quite as big as I would like. The property market is affecting everyone, but I cannot understand how someone who cannot afford their bond in the first place should be allowed to rent their place out including an agent's fee. These people should be obliged to put their homes on the market so that someone who can afford that house, can buy it instead of paying an inflated price to rent it.

Needless to say, as it's only a weekend visit, I will not be allowed to take down my fishing gear. That's fair enough, cos when we move down I'll be sitting on the shoreline quite regularly...

I think I'll take Steph on the Spirit of Victoria on Friday evening for a sundowner cruise. We've been on it before and it's quite pleasant as you cruise right out to Robben Island (home for 27 years to the world's most famous prisoner) and then down to the Camps Bay area. I just hope the weather plays along.

On Saturday we'll pop into an estate agent who "specialises" in letting houses and see what he/she has to offer and hopefully there will be some in the right area (ie, next to the beach). I have no doubt we'll find something, it's just a case of getting down there and looking around.

We fly back to Shit Towne on Sunday afternoon so will also have time to look around on Sunday if we don't find anything on the previous days. In fact, hopefully, we'll find something on Friday and have the weekend to chill out in Cape Town and maybe go and see some whales in Hermanus...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

So, off we go to see the folks at the coast...

Last week Friday night, Steph and I drove down to see the folks as it could be a while before we see them again seeing as we're moving to Cape Town at the end of October (on that, our buyers bond was approved, so it is all systems go for the move).

We left Shit Towne at about 2pm and by then, the road was already packed. There were a large number of vehicles' occupants that obviously had the same idea as we had, seeing as the coming Wednesday was a public holiday and they also needed some time away from the local pressures. It took us almost an hour just to clear Shit Towne boundaries, almost twice as long as usual.

The highway was pretty busy all the way down to the coast and, as usual, we had to contend with the usual volumes of fuckwits in their Beamers thinking they owned the road, speeding up from behind and flashing their lights. A number of times, I stuck in my lane and cruised at 130k's, already over the limit, and waited until I had a gap past the truck or car I was passing. A number of times I got the beady eyeball from the wanker in the Beamer, to which I just smiled and returned the occasional finger gesture. Why do people always have to get in your face and annoy the hell out of you, even when they are breaking the law? Wankers...

We drove straight through to Estcourt (where the bacon and sausages come from) and stopped to refill the bakkie and get some coffee. Just after that, the rain started and didn't let up for most of the trip. In fact, the rain didn't stop until Sunday afternoon!! At times, it came down quite hard, but mostly it was just a light drizzle and through PMBurg it was nothing more than a heavy mist, quite normal for those parts. At my folks place, in Mtwalume, it rained consistently for more than 24hrs.

Tired as I was, I wasn't going to break my arrival habit and sat down to listen to the sea (and rainfall) with a large single malt scotch on ice. There's nothing like the sound of the sea to calm me down, and the scotch goes a long way in helping too. It must have been around midnight when I eventually decided I was tired enough to sleep and it was lights out until after 8am on Saturday morning.

My folks are technology-challenged to say the least. They had asked me to have a look at their mini-hi-fi as the speakers weren't working when they played a CD or the TV through the system. Aside from being plenty of years old, the system is and always has been, crap. I would have turfed it out long ago, but my father would have disowned me. This time, however, I was having none of it and decided to replace the system with something current. A quick trip through to Margate and I had a R1,400 Samsung home entertainment system in the bakkie, ready for quick instalment.

I had told my father I was replacing the system and he told me not to, as usual, but I went ahead anyway. I removed the old speakers, system unit, video machine and the old CD player. I installed the new system, connected the TV to it, tested it with the tunnel scene in Die Hard 4 (great sound effects, even though it's complete bollocks) and impressed the old man so much, he now treats the remote control better than the DSTv control, like a fourth child. I saved four plugs, a couple of TV co-ax cables and about four square metres of wall unit space (ok, that's an exaggeration), and had a pile of junk lying in the corner of the lounge, ready to be thrown away the following morning. My father looked less than impressed as he still seems to think he had a good system and the more units in it, the better it must be.

My mother, too, looked less than impressed as my father now had another remote control and access to what, to her, was already an overly-loud TV set. My father is almost deaf in one ear thanks to his mother when he was a boy (ladies, never poke a Kirby hair grip in your children's ears to clean them - in fact, never poke anything in your children's ears) and now uses this as an excuse to turn the TV volume up beyond levels acceptable to the rest of us and which would probably damage the eardrums of most sensitive mammals.

Needless to say, dad has used the sound system every time he has turned on the TV. Perhaps the surround sound speaker next to his head lets him hear things better...I don't know.

The rest of Saturday was spent in the Sezela Country Club playing snooker with my father and brother, and a pal of his who is nicknamed "Sputnik". Don't ask me why, but perhaps it's because he revolves around wherever there's a free beer to be had. Dad and I partnered and at about 4pm when we gave up, I pleaded having not played snooker since we left Stanger about 20 years ago. That truly was the last time I remember playing snooker, so I think my complaint was valid. We got beaten, though not by too much.

That evening, after a great lamb curry my brother had prepared for us the day before, we chilled out for the evening in front of the loud TV, as it was still raining and we couldn't sit outside to chat or play our usual game of Trivial Pursuit.

Sunday morning saw the weather brightening a bit, with the promise of blue sky peeking through the clouds, so my brother and I took a quick drive to the river mouth to see if it would be worthwhile going fishing later. As it was, the water looked great and we made up our minds to go down at about 4pm and fish a while into the night.

My brother ended up catching a nice Cape Salmon of about 4kg while all I ended up catching was a nice bump on the head when we got home at about midnight after I didn't look what I was doing and opened the bakkie door with my head in the way. Luckily I had my beanie on, otherwise the bleeding might have been worse and required stitches. It was, on the whole, a good night and fun to sit on the beach at night again.

Monday dawned bright and cloudless and was the basis for us deciding to stay another day at the coast. Not that it did Steph much good though, as she ended up working most of the day and was no fun for either of us. We really need to get her out of that role as she (we) have no life around this time of the quarter end. This goddamned corporation expects you to give up your life for them around now, and in return what do you get for it? Fuckall...even your commissions are capped at a limit determined by the corporation when they have to pay them out.

Mum and Steph did, however, take a trip into town for a bit of shopping in the afternoon and brother and I got our tackle ready for another bit of night fishing. After an early evening braai, we headed off to the beach around 7pm and sat, fishless, until around 11pm when it got a bit too cool (and I ran out of scotch in my hip flask).

Tuesday saw us out of bed around 8am again, packed and ready to hit the highway home by just after 10am. The road turned out to be quite quiet, though there was an exceptionally strong headwind blowing all the way home from when we turned off the coastal highway. It blew strong enough to bring the bakkie's consumption down from around 10km per litre to just over 7km, so we really struggled.

It's always nice to be home, as much as you had a good time away...

A New Motivational Poster for my screensaver...

and how true it is...

Why the fuck did I bother...

taking leave for the entire week, when I've done nothing but work today?

The company owes me a day, which I will be claiming back, as I have been on email and the phone the entire day sorting out crap from other sources which should have been resolved a long time ago...

I'm fucked if I'm working tomorrow...the company can get stuffed on that one.

Friday, September 19, 2008

A young feller is brought home to meet the folks...

His girl greets him at the door and says, "I'm sorry, I'm running late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my folks. And I, uhh, forgot to tell you, they're both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent.

Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and pours a glass of water over her ass.

Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening. The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room.

At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, it's not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.

The man can't believe her casual response. The girl explains. "Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him - I'm watching the match."

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

For those Disbelievers...

about my story regarding the Mekong Giant Catfish, check out this link, and click on "Mekong Giant Catfish" for a video clip...

...and then check the Giant Freshwater Stingray video to the right of that...

Friday, September 05, 2008

The Amazing Scotsman....

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts? ''Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.'

You lot might think this is a joke, but it's actually a true story, applicable to all us Scotsmen...

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Definately not a Fishy Story...

I was working in my study today, with the TV monitor on as usual, and there was a program on NatGeo Wild channel called Megafish. This episode showed the world's largest freshwater catfish and stingray, both in Vietnam.

I only managed to take photos of the catfish and, as you can see, replication from TV to phone camera (I got a new Blackberry Pearl 8110 - 5 megapixel camera) is not that good.

I think you still get a good idea of how fuckin' big this thing is though. It is EIGHT FEET in length, and an estimated 200kg!!!!!!!!!

The story also said that the stingray measured 7.2m from the top of the head to the tip of the tail, and weighed in at over 500kg!!!!!!!!!

Kosi Fishing Team....I'll try and find out how much it'll cost us for a fishing trip out that way. For that size fish, fuck Namibia...

Monday, September 01, 2008