that I need a dump in the office, but the occasion does arise from time to time. And before you start thinking “Ah, he’s got PTSS (public toilet shit syndrome)”, I don’t really, so long as the doo-doo station in question is clean. There is nothing worse than going into an office or public toilet to find it so unusable that even a hippopotamus, which waves its shit about with its tail in the water it swims in, would say it has standards and refuse to use it.
That aside…
Moslems have this cultural habit of using what amounts to a “long drop” toilet. There is no seat in a Moslem toilet as they don’t really need one. Wearing the “Thobe” (male Arab dress) having a dump is as simple as lifting your skirts over a hole in the ground, squatting, doing your business, wiping your butt with your left hand index finger (and only that one), hosing your finger and butt off with the little hose pipe (fitted in all Moslem toilets expressly for this purpose), dropping your thobe and walking out nonchalantly like you’re on a Sunday walk in the park. Some of them might even wash their hands with soap at a basin, but not all do.
So, as I said, they shouldn’t need a toilet seat……shouldn’t being the operative word…
On the occasion that I need a loo (in somewhat of a rush following the Mexican pie I had for dinner last night), I find that one of these fuckin’ rag-heads is using the “western toilet”…bastard! Allah will not forgive you this, you camel-shagger!
I rattle the door to show him that someone superior wants in and then walk out the bathroom door to wait in the passageway. After a minute or so, I hear a flush and walk in to find the oil baron hanging his “gutra and iqal” (headdress also known as a “tea towel and fan belt”) on a hook so that he can wash his hands (at least he did that). He doesn’t even look in my direction as he probably knows I can melt steel with my infidel evil-eye glare.
Anyway, I get to do my business and head back to the office, thanking Mike on the way for the toilet roll he loaned me. The slinky bastards would even use the bog roll if it was left in the holder, another something that Allah would not take too kindly to if he saw it. Apparently, Moslem toilets are only allowed to face in three directions, away from Mecca, cos they’re not allowed to show their bare-arses in the direction of the holy place. I wonder what happens if he’s shagging one of his four wives with his butt in the air in the general direction of Mecca? Will Allah make him ejaculate prematurely in punishment?
Culture…smulchure…
Get me a beer someone…
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