On Project in Abu Dhabi and Dubai - Part 1

Well, the folks in the desert finally agreed to start the project, so here I am in Dubai.

I'm booked to be here between yesterday (Monday 21st Feb) and the 8th March, about two weeks. Already, I'm wondering what sort of experience it is going to be, as there doesn't seem to be any urgency just yet. That said, it is early days, so things could change dramatically.

Monday 21st February

Awake at 5am, thinking of the trip. Alarm goes off at 6am, so I get up and make coffee, take a piss, put the dogs out for their morning slash as well, though not quite in that order.

Showered, shaved, and dressed in my best jeans, we head for the airport just before 8am as planned. There's a bit of traffic but we get to the airport just after 9am, with plenty of time to check in.

As I go through passport control, the dumbfuck doos asks me "New passport?". I just look at him and say "You noticed" and smile while going on my way. He probably noticed that there were no multi-coloured stamps on any of the pristine pages...very observant of the public servant. Fuckin' idiot...

Grab an espresso, power up the laptop and get on the phone to TT, at work in the Joburg office to try and calm her nerves about a presentation she has to do on Thursday. It's no rocket science, but it's her first and I think she'll ace it.

On board at 09h45 and he flight is empty, with most folks getting on in Shit Towne which is on our route to the desert. One of the hostesses looks like Fishman's Model Sister. The guy on the opposite side of the aisle form me strikes up a conversation with her and determines she's from Egypt. He's about 60 in the shade...dirty old barstud...down boy...

There's plenty of leg room in my row, number 19, as it is one of those emergency aisles over the wing. Sweet, I can stretch out and trip folks as they walk past. The check in crew were good enough to tell me that there was to be a family with kids next to my original seat and they moved me to this great place. Thanks, folks. The crew of Etihad airways are the friendliest bunch I've ever seen on my travels.

The flight to Joburg is over in 1.5hrs, a full 30mins ahead of schedule. Why can't all flights between those cities be cut by that time? It is very bumpy coming into Joburg - big holes in the clouds and we drop what feels like hundreds of feet (and probably was seeing as we're in a thousand ton pterodactyl) and some female passenger screams softly a couple of times. The Egyptian hostess chuckles to herself.

There was a decent lamb wrap for breakfast, followed by a hot cup of tea. Nice.

We must have had a novice pilot coming into Joburg, cos I shit you not when I say he bounced the bird THREE TIMES before keeping it on the ground, then he skews it off to the left and jams the engines into reverse to bring it under control. That's the worst thing about these onboard cameras - you can see every fuckup the flight crew make, in real time!

I check my sms's and email, but there's nothing important happened in the last couple of hours. We have a 1.5hr wait while the other passengers and baggage are loaded. I switch off the laptop and on the MP3 player - Deep Purple "Speed King" is the first track I hear...great stuff.

A new crew takes over as the CPT-leg crew actually flew down the previous night from JNB, stayed over in CPT, then flew out first thing on the Abu Dhabi-bound flight. Nice job if you can get it, I suppose.

Somebody nearby smells of stale sweat, must be the German guy in row 18. The smell started when he moved in from row 15 - maybe he was asked to move by the people sitting around him. There are plenty of open seats as the plane is nowhere near full by the time we're ready to lift off again.

The new crew hands out more sets of earplugs - no thanks, I already have a set, as you can see by the things sticking out of my ears. Here's your sign...

The doors close and there's still no-one sitting next to me - kewl. More room to stretch out. Strange, because online checkin showed that the plane was nearly full and I couldn't change my seat. Do we really have that many people that don't pitch up for their flights? The doors close at 13h40.

Somehow, though, we only manage to take off at something like 14h15 after sitting out on the tarmac for a while, waiting for other craft to bounce their landings.

Around 3h30 later, I'm penning this story into my journal, cos I'm bored of flipping through channels on a clearly-inferior entertainment system. I think Wreckless should go and sell them a new onboard mainframe or something.

There are some great movies on offer (Inception, Avatar special edition) and great UK comedy but the system has a lip-sync problem. It's so bad it's like audio-visual deja vu. You've heard the cracks, but then the comedians mouth catches up seconds later and, as you read his lips, you think "I've heard this before".

Dinner has come and gone. A terrible little lettuce salad and nice chicken tikka "breast" (the size of a R5 coin) for starters, some decent hake, potatoes and green beans for main course. Then I find the little box on the side, that I thought was apple crumble, actually contained butter for the roll, salad dressing to camouflage the lettuce, a small Gouda cheese block, and salt and pepper. The apple crumble is nowhere to be seen and actually came afterward, with coffee so I skipped it, having eaten enough already.

By that time, I'm also well down my third double Dewars White Label scotch and couldn't care for apple fuckin' crumble so settle on a cappuccino instead.

According to my watch, at this point, it's 17h45 SA time, almost dark outside the plane, the lights are turned down low for some to catch some after-dinner sleep. I'm listening to 30 Seconds to Mars "From Yesterday". Bit of a screamer, but good solid rock song.

I have two Germans sitting next to me, browsing a "Kaapstadt" travel book and I'm tempted to tell them we're going the wrong way and they should have read that book before getting on the flight, but I leave them to plan their trip.

Now it's Deep Purple "Burn" on the MP3 player...

The MP3 player is a trusty little gadget I bought on my first trip to Saudi Desertland three years ago. It also doubles up as a USB memory stick.

Flying over southern Sudan at 864km/h, still 3,199km to go...another 4hrs....groan...

Oh good, there's only 2,455km to Mecca, like I needed to know that, just off the port side of the nose of the plane.

The entertainment system has a section called Elements which is supposed to show all the duty free stuff, but aside from rules and regulations and how much alcohol and tobacco I'm allowed to take into whatever country, all it shows is a menu of items (jewellery, fragrances, watches, etc) all the sections show blank screens and "page 1 of 0"...DOH!!

I've been awake for 13hrs already so I'm going to catch a couple of hours sleep if possible. I put the MP3 player off after Status Quo's "You're in the army now"...

Tuesday 22nd February

We land at just before midnight, desert time, and it's about 25degC, nice and cool. The bus trip to the terminal is uneventful, if long, which is typical of these desert airports. Everything is miles away from everything else. Thank fuck we don't have to walk.

Customs is a breeze, thanks to my UK passport, and I pick up my suitcase and head for the bus terminus. There's a complimentary shuttle to the hotel which is just as well as my hotel is in Dubai, while I flew into Abu Dhabi, 120km apart. The bus is a luxury coach, aircon, complimentary bottle of water and a peppermint included.

The journey is about an hour long and the highways are in great condition. The SA roads guys can take a leaf out of these guys' books for road construction. The roads here take a pounding from the heat, yet do not melt, unlike ours that actually wash away with a thunderstorm.

As it's night, there are no opportunities for photos (perhaps on purpose by the authorities?) and the camera stays in its case for future reference.

By the time I get a taxi to the airport, checked in, unpacked and ready for bed, it's after 03h30 and I'm exhausted. Still, I set the alarm for 07h00 to see what the plan is for the day.

As it happens, I get told to get some more rest and go into the office later today. I can handle that, but instead I go down for some breakfast and do some email and blogging up to this point. It's now 12h16 local time and I'm about to head out, I think. After all, these guys are paying for my time...


Look out for Part 2 sometime soon...