Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Help Desk, how can I fuck you around today?

This is a transcript of an actual conversation held between two IBMers (as we are affectionately known). It contains a few TLA's, as described in a previous posting, but also contains a few more... - Hello, IBM Information Technology Services, Resource Finance & Planning, pan-IOT Shared Services Centre of Excellence, how may I help you? > Oh, hello, I was given your name as the best person to speak to about resources in EMEA. - Sorry, I don't look after EMEA anymore. You should have received communication asking you not to use that term anymore. > Really? Oh, let me look in my mail. Who would the note have come from? - The EMEA Communications task ID. > Oh. OK. I'll look for it later. But anyway, are you involved in resources? - Oh, yes. Very much. > OK, good. I work in Nordic region and I need to transfer.... - I'm going to have to stop you there and ask you not to use that word please. We call them IMTs and IOTs these days. > Oh, I see. So are you supporting an IMT? - I'm supporting 8 of them. > Really? Oh, so you work for the IOT? - No. I work for both IOTs. > I'm confused. I don't understand which geo you sit it. - I don't sit in either of them. I'm shared. > But you are responsible for resources for all countries in the 2 IOTs. - Indeed. In fact, it's probably easier to say that I am the best person to speak to about resources in EMEA. > But you said I couldn't say EMEA. - Yes, because you said it in ignorance. I used it to help you understand. > OK, well thank you. I think I understand now. - Excellent. So how can I help you? > I want to transfer somebody into ITS, and I was told I need to get approval from you. - OK, would that be big ITS or small ITS? > I'm sorry? - Old ITS or new ITS? > Ummm... ITS the Line of Business. - I'll have to stop you again there... we can't say Lines of Business anymore. > Oh, what should we say now? - Business Lines. > Oh. What's the difference. - There isn't any. > OK. Anyway, about my transfer. I've found a candidate in BCS. - You mean EBS? > What's the difference? - There isn't any. They just re-badged it. > Right, well, anyway... I was told I need approval to transfer her into IGS. - You mean ITS? > Yep, OK, same thing... - No it isn't. > But you said they only renamed it. - No, that was EBS. With IGS it's different. IGS now comprises Integrated Operations, EBS and ITS. > Small ITS or big ITS? - Big ITS. Although technically it's both, because little ITS still sits in big ITS. > Really? - Yes, along with ebHS. > You mean EBS. - No, ebHS - it's different. It's part of SO. > Oh, so it sits alongside AMS? - You mean AS. > What's AS? - It's just like AMS, but without the management. > Well, whatever... i mean it's all part of SO anyway. - No, it's part of BCS now. > You mean EBS? - Yes. > What about ebHS - Still part of ITS. > Not EBS? - No. But it's all still part of IGS anyway. > OK, so I guess I would need additional approval to transfer someone from EBS. What if I found a candidate in SD? - You mean ITD? > What's the difference? - They... > ...re-badged it? - Correct. > But it's still part of IGS, right? - Yes. > So it doesn't impact headcount if I transfer someone to ITS? - Yes it does, because ITD is not part of ITS. > Look, this is getting very frustrating. Who should I escalate to? - That depends on which IMT you sit in. > Well who is in charge of total EMEA that I can speak to about this. - Nobody. We now have 2 IOT management teams instead. > What about the 5 regions? - 8 IMTs now. > So you're saying that we have 10 management structures now, instead of 6? - Actually, it's 11, if you count ITD. > I'm lost again. Look, do you think you can help me staff this vacancy? It's for a billable, customer engagement. - No. Sorry, but we don't have any resources. > What? No resources? How can this be? - Well we had to staff all these new management positions somehow... ...and I work for this lot...fuck the Help Desk...HELP ME!!!

1 comment:

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

I believe it's a case of...
if we keep them confused, they wont expect us to deliver anything, cause we can always say they asked for the wrong thing. Its a typical situation, common in IT, and especially amongst the multinationals.
It's like being in Africa... pupils are now learners
teachers are educators
whites are endangered
politicians are corrupt
police are criminal
.... etc, etc, etc...

why should the IT world be any different??