Help Desk, how can I fuck you around today?

This is a transcript of an actual conversation held between two IBMers (as we are affectionately known). It contains a few TLA's, as described in a previous posting, but also contains a few more... - Hello, IBM Information Technology Services, Resource Finance & Planning, pan-IOT Shared Services Centre of Excellence, how may I help you? > Oh, hello, I was given your name as the best person to speak to about resources in EMEA. - Sorry, I don't look after EMEA anymore. You should have received communication asking you not to use that term anymore. > Really? Oh, let me look in my mail. Who would the note have come from? - The EMEA Communications task ID. > Oh. OK. I'll look for it later. But anyway, are you involved in resources? - Oh, yes. Very much. > OK, good. I work in Nordic region and I need to transfer.... - I'm going to have to stop you there and ask you not to use that word please. We call them IMTs and IOTs these days. > Oh, I see. So are you supporting an IMT? - I'm supporting 8 of them. > Really? Oh, so you work for the IOT? - No. I work for both IOTs. > I'm confused. I don't understand which geo you sit it. - I don't sit in either of them. I'm shared. > But you are responsible for resources for all countries in the 2 IOTs. - Indeed. In fact, it's probably easier to say that I am the best person to speak to about resources in EMEA. > But you said I couldn't say EMEA. - Yes, because you said it in ignorance. I used it to help you understand. > OK, well thank you. I think I understand now. - Excellent. So how can I help you? > I want to transfer somebody into ITS, and I was told I need to get approval from you. - OK, would that be big ITS or small ITS? > I'm sorry? - Old ITS or new ITS? > Ummm... ITS the Line of Business. - I'll have to stop you again there... we can't say Lines of Business anymore. > Oh, what should we say now? - Business Lines. > Oh. What's the difference. - There isn't any. > OK. Anyway, about my transfer. I've found a candidate in BCS. - You mean EBS? > What's the difference? - There isn't any. They just re-badged it. > Right, well, anyway... I was told I need approval to transfer her into IGS. - You mean ITS? > Yep, OK, same thing... - No it isn't. > But you said they only renamed it. - No, that was EBS. With IGS it's different. IGS now comprises Integrated Operations, EBS and ITS. > Small ITS or big ITS? - Big ITS. Although technically it's both, because little ITS still sits in big ITS. > Really? - Yes, along with ebHS. > You mean EBS. - No, ebHS - it's different. It's part of SO. > Oh, so it sits alongside AMS? - You mean AS. > What's AS? - It's just like AMS, but without the management. > Well, whatever... i mean it's all part of SO anyway. - No, it's part of BCS now. > You mean EBS? - Yes. > What about ebHS - Still part of ITS. > Not EBS? - No. But it's all still part of IGS anyway. > OK, so I guess I would need additional approval to transfer someone from EBS. What if I found a candidate in SD? - You mean ITD? > What's the difference? - They... > ...re-badged it? - Correct. > But it's still part of IGS, right? - Yes. > So it doesn't impact headcount if I transfer someone to ITS? - Yes it does, because ITD is not part of ITS. > Look, this is getting very frustrating. Who should I escalate to? - That depends on which IMT you sit in. > Well who is in charge of total EMEA that I can speak to about this. - Nobody. We now have 2 IOT management teams instead. > What about the 5 regions? - 8 IMTs now. > So you're saying that we have 10 management structures now, instead of 6? - Actually, it's 11, if you count ITD. > I'm lost again. Look, do you think you can help me staff this vacancy? It's for a billable, customer engagement. - No. Sorry, but we don't have any resources. > What? No resources? How can this be? - Well we had to staff all these new management positions somehow... ...and I work for this lot...fuck the Help Desk...HELP ME!!!