...even if just to let the folk/s out there know that I'm still around.
Yes, I'm still here. Still kicking. Still cycling. Still...whatever.
I'm exceptionally happy right now for my Brother Max. He's in a good spot just now, possibly the best frame of mind he has been in a while. Or at least that's the impression that I get from the postings on his blog and family-related happenings over last weekend. Awesome to see and read! And long may it get better and continue! He deserves the happiness! He has some work challenges to be addressed with his contract renewal, but I believe he will get the right outcome for himself and, ultimately, for the company.
{/rant on}
On the home front, things are a little tense around here. I knew something was wrong last night when we sat down to dinner and mom wasn't saying anything, wasn't looking around, just staring straight into her plate. When I asked what was up, mom shed a tear and said she doesn't like the tension she can feel in the house. I don't blame her, because it's true. Fact of the matter is that the Nephewmonster is pushing all my wrong buttons...again, and again, and again. He is a defiant and sneaky little fucker at times, tries to get away with all sorts of things despite knowing that if he got caught doing/not doing them, he would be in trouble. But he does them anyway.
An example..... he has a homework book, in which he has to write down all the homework he has to do, every day there is homework. My rule is that I get to see the book every day and when there is no homework, draw a neat line for the day, and write "No homework". Simple, right? Not for him, apparently. And last week, I get a notification through the school portal that he has earned two demerit points for not doing his homework the night before. Needless to say, I let rip and have grounded him for a week, with no tech at home (tablet, TV). He can listen to his music, that I have no problem with and actively encourage his interest in it. Again, I have drawn a line and have demanded that he show me his homework book daily, so that I can see (and sign) what he has to do on the day. If he gets any more demerit points for homework not done, he will be grounded for two weeks. Do it again, and it will be four weeks, doubling each time there is a transgression. For some reason, the only way to get through to him is to take away his tech privileges. Hell, one day I might even take away his bike for a while and see how that works, if it works. He gets inconvenienced by not having his tech, but you can see he just shrugs it off and carries on. In truth, it doesn't truly bother him, so I wonder if it's even the right way of doing things. Maybe taking the bike away will be a true test of how it bothers him. He loves his bike, is always out on it, and it is his primary means of getting around to school and to his mates.
And that's just one example of what he does/doesn't do. There are a bunch more which, again, get lip service and just end up back at Square One and another button gets pushed, until I explode again.
My take on it all at the moment, is that I've had enough. I'm tired of proverbially smashing my head against a wall on an almost daily basis. If he was my boy, I would have beaten some sense and some respect into him, just like we had in my youth. And before any Karen's go off about discipline, it did me fuckall harm. In fact, it taught me a lot of things, such as respect, care, discipline, morals, etc... The problem is that I can't give him a hiding, and he knows it and plays to it. I've threatened him a couple of times about delivering him to his mother in Cape Town so that she can put up with his shit, because I don't need it. Why should I? I'm supposed to be retired. Instead, I'm just tired. It might be time to have this discussion with him again, but the next time I do, it will be the ABF (absolutely bloody final) time we have it and if ever there's an occasion where I'm in this frame of mind again, I will just collect him at school and get on the highway to Cape Town, no questions asked or answered.
{/rant off}
On the personal side, I sometimes have too much time on my hands, either because I'm putting off something non-urgent that should be done but can be delayed, or because I'm feeling tired. My main cause of tiredness is the mental exhaustion the Nephewmonster brings out in me, spoken about earlier. The other cause of my tiredness is my cycling. I'm currently doing between 200 and 300km a week, depending on the length of the club rides and whether I go out for a lengthy solo ride on one of the days. Perhaps it's too much, but I'm enjoying it all, despite the very cold temperatures these days.
Physically, I'm in very good condition, definitely the best I have been in almost 20yrs. I'm now just over 2kg above my target weight of 80kg, having started at 106kg about 4yrs ago when we moved to Sedgefield.
And, on that, this coming Saturday will be exactly four years to the day that we left Cape Town. So much has happened, both good and bad, in that relatively short period. Life-changing things.
Mentally, I'm in a good position too. Yes, I still sometimes get lonely, but that's expected. And I know I'm not alone in that regard. We all feel it on occasion, even if there is a "significant other" in the picture. It's part of human nature. In the end, we are social animals and need that occasional interaction with other humans. Sadly, and to be brutally honest, I don't get enough of it at home, but that's just me. It's when I'm out with friends that I think my real current self comes out. C'est la vie...
Look after yourselves out there, folks...be kind to each other...
1 comment:
Been waiting in anticipation for your next post, and here is is, and a long one at that. Yes, I'm in a better space (mentally), and happy to be here. I don't do stress too well, and am terrified of depression, been there too many times. So, as long as the things around me are flowing smoothly, I'm all the better for it.
On the work front, still deciding which is the best option for me - when I make it, I'll let you know.
I'm sorry you having challenges with the monster nephew. That sucks. He does realise that you are "doing him a favor", I'm sure he does, but being a typical young boy, and knowing that your reactions are limited, he will push your buttons. And rightfully, you have to put a stop to that. Maybe spending a week with a friend in the local squatter camp will give him an insight into how blessed he is to have you on his side. Just a thought! And yes, I'm sure you would love to wind him like your dad probably did you (I know my dad wound me up often, and I turned out okay). But, in todays world, that will just get you into trouble. So the tech, and the bike it is. And limiting his "play time" with friends, is also a big "punishment" these days. Just saying. Hoping he comes round and stops making your life a misery - for both your sakes.
As for the "new lady" you speak of, man, I think this December I'm getting down to visit you. Must make a plan to meet her - she sounds awesome, and I am so happy you have someone you can talk to, spend quality time with, share a glass of wine with, on that deck, watching the sun..... She's good for you, I can read it in your post! Feeling tired comes with getting older, but in your case, also the stress of all you are trying to juggle right now. It is. It's tiring. You might want to look for a "natural" pick me up, energy booster (no, not the smokey green leaves), as sometimes out diets don't really offer what our bodies need, and that can cause some of the tiredness. Finally, I have to say how proud I am of you, how proud I am to call you brother. Keep safe.
Post a Comment