Dear Sir...

As per your reply to my email notification dated 16/1/2007, please accept this posting as my official, very early, leave application. If you want it in triplicate, please read it three times, as the contents will be the same on all three copies. I will be out of cellular range for the entire holiday, from 19th February 2007, so please do not try to contact me. In the unlikely event that the phone does pick up a signal, guess what...it'll remain unanswered and go to voicemail. I'll pick up your whinging message on 19th March 2007 when I get back to the office and not a minute before. Please be sure to leave me a happy message. In case you need to get hold of someone to find out some information about what I'm up to at work, don't bother. I have told no-one anything about what I'm up to. Face it, it's got fuckall to do with you or anyone else anyway. In case you need to urgently get hold of me, for instance to tell me you've doubled my salary, have resigned or been posted to Timbuktu on assignment, you will find me at the following establishments on the following dates and I hope you'll drive the 1200kms to give me the good news: Kosi Bay (fishing trip) - 19th to 24th February Morgan's Bay (caravanning with the missus) - 26th Feb to 13th March Home (unpacking and getting ready to face the shit again) - 14th to 18th March I'll be back in the office on Monday 19th March 2007, in case you're interested and so that you don't miss me too much. Please don't try and approve my leave on the system, as I have found a way to do that in your name and have approved it already. I hope you're going to enjoy my leave as much as I am, you miserable bastard. Warmest regards. Steven.