This is One Fucked Up Individual...

I'm referring to someone baptised as Brian Warner, but whom you may know as Marilyn Manson, the weird rocker that everyone loves to hate. His biography "The Long Hard Road out of Hell" is quite a read. It starts in his childhood, born to "normal" parents, but having a grandfather who had a habit for wanking to fetish magazines, while watching his train set go round and round in his basement. Grandad also liked to dress up in women's underwear, something which Brian/Marilyn himself admits to doing and liking, still to this day. The name Marilyn Manson actually belongs to the band, but he has become known by the same name, partially due to the full original name of the band, Marilyn Manson and The Spooky Kids, shortened to what we know it as today. The shortened name came from Brian's indecisions between good and bad, the Marilyn coming from Ms Monroe herself (the good), while Manson came from the lunatic mass murderer (the bad). Apparently, Charles Manson was somewhat of a rocker himself before he went and killed a bunch of people...fuckin' idiot. Anyway, the book goes on to describe Marilyn's descent into a world of sex, drugs, rock, devil worship and mutilation (of others and himself). It describes, in great detail, how he and another band member used to humiliate women groupies into confessing all the bad stuff they'd done and how they could attone for these actions by having sex with Marilyn and his mate. One of his big pals is Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails fame who, again, is one fucked up individual. To this day, apparently, they have remained friends and done all sorts of weird stuff together, including Marilyn giving Trent a blowjob while performing on stage. Marilyn gives his own opinions about a range of topics, including: - Drugs - "Consider yourself an addict if..." and gives 27 "if's" including "19. ...you've ever said, "This is my last line" or, conversely, "Which line is the biggest?" - Homosexuality - "You are gay, if..." and lists 38 items, including "...you get hard while sucking another guy's dick" (which, incidentally, he did according to his own confession, when he blew Trent Reznor on stage). - Cheating - He says he's never cheated on his girlfriends, but... "8. If you fuck someone the night before seeing your girlfriend, it's okay because it's just practice to make sure you don't prematurely ejaculate with your girlfriend" or "13. If it's someone's birthday, it doesn't count (especially if it's your own)". There are a number of photos from Marilyn's life, including some of his parents, his grandfather, band members, girlfriends, boyfriends and other influencers of his fucked up ways. There are also a number of drawings, obviously taken form medical text books, of human genitalia which appears to be one of his fixations. Towards the end of the read, there is a list of myths and untruths that have been spread about Marilyn, including "I heard that Marilyn Manson WAS the guy on Wonder Years but then started his own rumor and said he wasn't just to throw people off" (now that I'm really sad about), and "People at my school say that [Marilyn] removed pigment from his so that he could see in black and white" (how fucking daft do you have to be to believe that - he wears a contact lens to get the odd colours of his eyes). There are a few more good ones, but go and read them yourselves. Ultimately, the book comes down to Marilyn confessing to becoming something he'd hoped he never would...his own grandfather. Definately worth a read, even if only to show it to your kids and prove that there is someone out in the world more fucked up than you as a parent (a common belief in all kids, I'm sure) and that sometimes you do actually know what you're talking about. But go get it and see for yourself. The image below is taken partly from the cover of the book and another image from within. So now that it's toward the end of the holidays (I started the previous book review a while back - sorry) I've also finished something lighter, a bit more inane, but definately less fucked up (depending on how purist you are, I suppose)....."Black Beauty - According to Spike Milligan". It starts off with a poem: There once was a horse called Black Beauty He was well bred and always did his duty He came from very good stock He had a lovely body with a huge cock His mother was lovely with a wonderful tail Which dragged behind her like the Holy Grail His father died, a handsome dude And he ended up as dog food Black Beauty would lead a long life A mixture of Peace, Tranquility and Strife Each chapter, most shorter than three pages, starts off with a poem in similar vein and my favourite has got to be one of these two: Some people like to drive us like a steam train They make us eat lumps of coal again and again Eating coal we were fit to bust Eventually it shot out the back as dust My best master was Farmer Cray Even he turned out to be gay He carried a pot of Vaseline You couldn't tell where he was, but you could smell where he had been OR Captain was in the charge of the light brigade Cannons to the right of them Cannons to the left of them Cannons underneath them Cannons over the top of them While horse and hero fell What was that terrible smell Bravely they rode well But what was that terrible smell They charged the Russian guns Which gave some of them the runs Some of the Russians went spare Looking for clean underwear They charged into the mouth of hell They flashed the sabres bare Nobody at home seemed to care Thru shot and hell But what was that terrible smell It was the gallant six hundred From one extreme to the other, Marilyn Manson to Black Beauty...

The Irish Nativity.......otherwise known as "The Knacktivity"...

Dere's dis boord called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wha' de fook is dah?) She's not married or nuttin', but she got dis felleh, Joe, righ'? He does joinery an' all dah. Mary lives with him in a flah dowwen in Nazareht. One day Mary meets dis yungfelleh Gabriel. She's like "Wha are yeh bleedin' lookin' ah?" Gabriel just goes "You're fookin' pregnant so yeh are". Mary's scarleh. She gives him a fookin' earful: "Are you bleedin' startin'? I'm no a fookin' sluh. I never bin wih no one!" So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is on a mad buzz, bud. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' all dah. She sez te Mary: "Ah howeyeh, Mary, I can feel me chiseller in me stummick and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all deh money we'll be getting from deh social." Mary goes "Yeah, s'pose you're righ" Mary an' Joe havena goh a fookin' bean so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dowwen the Behtlehem on dah. Dey get to dis boozer an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her yungfelleh an' all dah. But there's no fookin' no roohem at the inn, righ'? So Mary an' Joe break an' into this garridge, only it's filled wih animals. Cowis an' sheep an' all dah. Then these three lads tourn up, lookin bleedin' rapih, wih crowens on der heads an' all dah'. They're like "Ah Jaysis, howeyeh!" an' say dey're deh tree wise men from de East Wall. Joe goes: "If you're so bleedin wiyis, wha de fook are yizzer doin' wih dis Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why didn't yeh just bring gold, 20 Blue and Boorberry?" It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got anudder message from dis Lord hardchaw. He's like "Deh coppers is comin an' they're killin all de chisslers. You better fook off to Egypt." Joe goes: "You must be fookin' off yer bleedin' rocker if yeh tink I'm goin' te fookin' Egypt on a fookin' donkey" Gabriel sez: "Suit yerself, bud. But it's your look out if yeh stay." So they go dowwen teh Egypt till they've stopped killin deh foorst-born an' all an' annyways it's safe an' dah. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazareh, an' Jesus turns water inta Dutch Gold. Thanks Sis...I really enjoyed this one... :-)

A Very Pleasant Way to Spend a Sunday...

Beating sun Sweating brow Rushing river Arc'ing casts Splashing fin Dropping fly Swirling water Flashing gold Tightening line Screaming ratchet Bending rod Beating heart Relenting fish Smiling angler Releasing fish Relaxing angler Contented ============================== I caught my first Vaal Smallmouth Yellowfish at the weekend. As it was only my second attempt at catching one of these prized fighting fish, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly it happened. Usually, anglers have to work hard before they are rewarded with a fish. Steph, myself and the neighbours (with accompanying rugrats) headed off to a resort called Smilin' Thru for a day of relaxation and, for myself, fishing for "Yellows". The neighbours aren't much of an angling family and I had steeled myself to fend off their questions and interferances before I would be able to spend some quality time on the water by myself. The Vaal River is just over an hour's drive from home and we set off at exactly 7am, each family in our own cars. I should mention here that I traded in the "old" extended cab Ford Ranger about two weeks ago, for a double cab, also a Ranger. It was an offer I couldn't resist. Same mileage, same payments and same insurance costs as the "old" one, it was a done deal. The fact that the new Ranger is Scottish Royal Blue in colour, double cab with canopy (to transport the dogs) and four-wheel drive to boot, I just couldn't resist it. What urged me to go and look at trading in the "old" one was the fact that, between us, Steph and I were driving two, two-seater cars. Not very handy when you want to have more than two people in one car. Anyway, back to the present... We arrived at the resort just before 9am, having had Brian show us the long way there. After paying the entrance fee, we drove the length of the grounds to find a suitable picnic spot as close to the river as possible. Once I'd found the area I wanted to fish, we ended up leaving the ladies encamped next to the swimming pool, with the cooler boxes and everything they needed to relax in the glorious sunshine. I drove back to the fishing spot, some distance upstream of the pool, as I wasn't going to walk back that distance in my waders in the heat of the morning. I rigged up Brian's son's fly rod with a heavy-enough fly that he would be able to get it some distance out with not too much experience. A quick lesson in casting and drifting the line, and I rigged my own rod, slapped on the sun cream and stepped into the chest-height waders. The river is very rocky, with very few sandy patches and every rock as slippery as OJ Simpson on a murder rap. The brown water (visibility about 20cm) didn't help either and each step was fought for gingerly. Brian's son gave up after 20mins or so, after losing the fly on a submerged rock. As I was too far into the water for him to come and get a new fly, he packed it in and went swimming in the pool. After casting for about an hour with no luck, I moved to the head of some small rapids and saw a couple of fish feeding in the shallows. I tied on a small green beaded caddis nymph and plonked it just upstream from them, letting the river bring it back down toward them. Next thing I know, the line tightens and the fish takes off upstream like a fuckin' rocket. I'd heard stories of how they take a fly but was not expecting this reaction. It only fought for about five minutes, but it was well worth it. It was bigger than my landing net and I had to take it in tail first. When I weighed it on my small scale (which under-reads by about 500g), it came in at 2.1kg. I had to take it easy as I was only using a 2kg leader and didn't want to have it snap me off. Not a bad fish for a first Yellow, and I decided to go back to the pool and have a cold beer in celebration. Lunch was on the braai and I was well ready for it and the beer. The rest of the afternoon was spent in relaxed mode, trying to doze amidst the buzzing of the flies and swimming to cool off. We packed up at around 16h00 and took the short-cut home, the way we should have gone down that morning. If any of you have a list of fish to catch before you die, add the Yellowfish to it if it's not already there.

Some days need to be renamed...

Take Friday 1st December, for example, "World AIDS Day". I think it should be called "Keep it in Your Pants Day". As much as I sympathise with those that got the disease unwittingly from unscrupulous lovers not declaring their HIV Positive status, or rape victims by the same means, what other sexual reasons could there be to say "I didn't know"? By now, at least one half of a couple about to engage in some form of casual sexual activity should be aware that unprotected sex could cause one or both of them to become infected. So...if in doubt...KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! Abstension is the only truly safe means to not spread the disease. Ignorance or plain stupidity is not! As for taking a shower straight afterwards, according to the experts it will not prevent you from catching a potential death sentance (as was claimed in court by our "esteemed" ex-Vice President whom, having had sex with a HIV Positive woman, claimed that he had a shower straight afterwards and would therefore not catch the disease). KEEP IT IN YER FUCKIN' PANTS!!! It's the only way to remain Negative...

Someone's going to Hell for this...

Probably me, cos I had tears running down my cheeks...