Dear Sir...

As per your reply to my email notification dated 16/1/2007, please accept this posting as my official, very early, leave application. If you want it in triplicate, please read it three times, as the contents will be the same on all three copies. I will be out of cellular range for the entire holiday, from 19th February 2007, so please do not try to contact me. In the unlikely event that the phone does pick up a signal, guess what...it'll remain unanswered and go to voicemail. I'll pick up your whinging message on 19th March 2007 when I get back to the office and not a minute before. Please be sure to leave me a happy message. In case you need to get hold of someone to find out some information about what I'm up to at work, don't bother. I have told no-one anything about what I'm up to. Face it, it's got fuckall to do with you or anyone else anyway. In case you need to urgently get hold of me, for instance to tell me you've doubled my salary, have resigned or been posted to Timbuktu on assignment, you will find me at the following establishments on the following dates and I hope you'll drive the 1200kms to give me the good news: Kosi Bay (fishing trip) - 19th to 24th February Morgan's Bay (caravanning with the missus) - 26th Feb to 13th March Home (unpacking and getting ready to face the shit again) - 14th to 18th March I'll be back in the office on Monday 19th March 2007, in case you're interested and so that you don't miss me too much. Please don't try and approve my leave on the system, as I have found a way to do that in your name and have approved it already. I hope you're going to enjoy my leave as much as I am, you miserable bastard. Warmest regards. Steven.

This is One Fucked Up Individual...

I'm referring to someone baptised as Brian Warner, but whom you may know as Marilyn Manson, the weird rocker that everyone loves to hate. His biography "The Long Hard Road out of Hell" is quite a read. It starts in his childhood, born to "normal" parents, but having a grandfather who had a habit for wanking to fetish magazines, while watching his train set go round and round in his basement. Grandad also liked to dress up in women's underwear, something which Brian/Marilyn himself admits to doing and liking, still to this day. The name Marilyn Manson actually belongs to the band, but he has become known by the same name, partially due to the full original name of the band, Marilyn Manson and The Spooky Kids, shortened to what we know it as today. The shortened name came from Brian's indecisions between good and bad, the Marilyn coming from Ms Monroe herself (the good), while Manson came from the lunatic mass murderer (the bad). Apparently, Charles Manson was somewhat of a rocker himself before he went and killed a bunch of people...fuckin' idiot. Anyway, the book goes on to describe Marilyn's descent into a world of sex, drugs, rock, devil worship and mutilation (of others and himself). It describes, in great detail, how he and another band member used to humiliate women groupies into confessing all the bad stuff they'd done and how they could attone for these actions by having sex with Marilyn and his mate. One of his big pals is Trent Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails fame who, again, is one fucked up individual. To this day, apparently, they have remained friends and done all sorts of weird stuff together, including Marilyn giving Trent a blowjob while performing on stage. Marilyn gives his own opinions about a range of topics, including: - Drugs - "Consider yourself an addict if..." and gives 27 "if's" including "19. ...you've ever said, "This is my last line" or, conversely, "Which line is the biggest?" - Homosexuality - "You are gay, if..." and lists 38 items, including "...you get hard while sucking another guy's dick" (which, incidentally, he did according to his own confession, when he blew Trent Reznor on stage). - Cheating - He says he's never cheated on his girlfriends, but... "8. If you fuck someone the night before seeing your girlfriend, it's okay because it's just practice to make sure you don't prematurely ejaculate with your girlfriend" or "13. If it's someone's birthday, it doesn't count (especially if it's your own)". There are a number of photos from Marilyn's life, including some of his parents, his grandfather, band members, girlfriends, boyfriends and other influencers of his fucked up ways. There are also a number of drawings, obviously taken form medical text books, of human genitalia which appears to be one of his fixations. Towards the end of the read, there is a list of myths and untruths that have been spread about Marilyn, including "I heard that Marilyn Manson WAS the guy on Wonder Years but then started his own rumor and said he wasn't just to throw people off" (now that I'm really sad about), and "People at my school say that [Marilyn] removed pigment from his so that he could see in black and white" (how fucking daft do you have to be to believe that - he wears a contact lens to get the odd colours of his eyes). There are a few more good ones, but go and read them yourselves. Ultimately, the book comes down to Marilyn confessing to becoming something he'd hoped he never would...his own grandfather. Definately worth a read, even if only to show it to your kids and prove that there is someone out in the world more fucked up than you as a parent (a common belief in all kids, I'm sure) and that sometimes you do actually know what you're talking about. But go get it and see for yourself. The image below is taken partly from the cover of the book and another image from within. So now that it's toward the end of the holidays (I started the previous book review a while back - sorry) I've also finished something lighter, a bit more inane, but definately less fucked up (depending on how purist you are, I suppose)....."Black Beauty - According to Spike Milligan". It starts off with a poem: There once was a horse called Black Beauty He was well bred and always did his duty He came from very good stock He had a lovely body with a huge cock His mother was lovely with a wonderful tail Which dragged behind her like the Holy Grail His father died, a handsome dude And he ended up as dog food Black Beauty would lead a long life A mixture of Peace, Tranquility and Strife Each chapter, most shorter than three pages, starts off with a poem in similar vein and my favourite has got to be one of these two: Some people like to drive us like a steam train They make us eat lumps of coal again and again Eating coal we were fit to bust Eventually it shot out the back as dust My best master was Farmer Cray Even he turned out to be gay He carried a pot of Vaseline You couldn't tell where he was, but you could smell where he had been OR Captain was in the charge of the light brigade Cannons to the right of them Cannons to the left of them Cannons underneath them Cannons over the top of them While horse and hero fell What was that terrible smell Bravely they rode well But what was that terrible smell They charged the Russian guns Which gave some of them the runs Some of the Russians went spare Looking for clean underwear They charged into the mouth of hell They flashed the sabres bare Nobody at home seemed to care Thru shot and hell But what was that terrible smell It was the gallant six hundred From one extreme to the other, Marilyn Manson to Black Beauty...

The Irish Nativity.......otherwise known as "The Knacktivity"...

Dere's dis boord called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wha' de fook is dah?) She's not married or nuttin', but she got dis felleh, Joe, righ'? He does joinery an' all dah. Mary lives with him in a flah dowwen in Nazareht. One day Mary meets dis yungfelleh Gabriel. She's like "Wha are yeh bleedin' lookin' ah?" Gabriel just goes "You're fookin' pregnant so yeh are". Mary's scarleh. She gives him a fookin' earful: "Are you bleedin' startin'? I'm no a fookin' sluh. I never bin wih no one!" So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is on a mad buzz, bud. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' all dah. She sez te Mary: "Ah howeyeh, Mary, I can feel me chiseller in me stummick and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all deh money we'll be getting from deh social." Mary goes "Yeah, s'pose you're righ" Mary an' Joe havena goh a fookin' bean so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dowwen the Behtlehem on dah. Dey get to dis boozer an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her yungfelleh an' all dah. But there's no fookin' no roohem at the inn, righ'? So Mary an' Joe break an' into this garridge, only it's filled wih animals. Cowis an' sheep an' all dah. Then these three lads tourn up, lookin bleedin' rapih, wih crowens on der heads an' all dah'. They're like "Ah Jaysis, howeyeh!" an' say dey're deh tree wise men from de East Wall. Joe goes: "If you're so bleedin wiyis, wha de fook are yizzer doin' wih dis Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why didn't yeh just bring gold, 20 Blue and Boorberry?" It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got anudder message from dis Lord hardchaw. He's like "Deh coppers is comin an' they're killin all de chisslers. You better fook off to Egypt." Joe goes: "You must be fookin' off yer bleedin' rocker if yeh tink I'm goin' te fookin' Egypt on a fookin' donkey" Gabriel sez: "Suit yerself, bud. But it's your look out if yeh stay." So they go dowwen teh Egypt till they've stopped killin deh foorst-born an' all an' annyways it's safe an' dah. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazareh, an' Jesus turns water inta Dutch Gold. Thanks Sis...I really enjoyed this one... :-)

A Very Pleasant Way to Spend a Sunday...

Beating sun Sweating brow Rushing river Arc'ing casts Splashing fin Dropping fly Swirling water Flashing gold Tightening line Screaming ratchet Bending rod Beating heart Relenting fish Smiling angler Releasing fish Relaxing angler Contented ============================== I caught my first Vaal Smallmouth Yellowfish at the weekend. As it was only my second attempt at catching one of these prized fighting fish, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly it happened. Usually, anglers have to work hard before they are rewarded with a fish. Steph, myself and the neighbours (with accompanying rugrats) headed off to a resort called Smilin' Thru for a day of relaxation and, for myself, fishing for "Yellows". The neighbours aren't much of an angling family and I had steeled myself to fend off their questions and interferances before I would be able to spend some quality time on the water by myself. The Vaal River is just over an hour's drive from home and we set off at exactly 7am, each family in our own cars. I should mention here that I traded in the "old" extended cab Ford Ranger about two weeks ago, for a double cab, also a Ranger. It was an offer I couldn't resist. Same mileage, same payments and same insurance costs as the "old" one, it was a done deal. The fact that the new Ranger is Scottish Royal Blue in colour, double cab with canopy (to transport the dogs) and four-wheel drive to boot, I just couldn't resist it. What urged me to go and look at trading in the "old" one was the fact that, between us, Steph and I were driving two, two-seater cars. Not very handy when you want to have more than two people in one car. Anyway, back to the present... We arrived at the resort just before 9am, having had Brian show us the long way there. After paying the entrance fee, we drove the length of the grounds to find a suitable picnic spot as close to the river as possible. Once I'd found the area I wanted to fish, we ended up leaving the ladies encamped next to the swimming pool, with the cooler boxes and everything they needed to relax in the glorious sunshine. I drove back to the fishing spot, some distance upstream of the pool, as I wasn't going to walk back that distance in my waders in the heat of the morning. I rigged up Brian's son's fly rod with a heavy-enough fly that he would be able to get it some distance out with not too much experience. A quick lesson in casting and drifting the line, and I rigged my own rod, slapped on the sun cream and stepped into the chest-height waders. The river is very rocky, with very few sandy patches and every rock as slippery as OJ Simpson on a murder rap. The brown water (visibility about 20cm) didn't help either and each step was fought for gingerly. Brian's son gave up after 20mins or so, after losing the fly on a submerged rock. As I was too far into the water for him to come and get a new fly, he packed it in and went swimming in the pool. After casting for about an hour with no luck, I moved to the head of some small rapids and saw a couple of fish feeding in the shallows. I tied on a small green beaded caddis nymph and plonked it just upstream from them, letting the river bring it back down toward them. Next thing I know, the line tightens and the fish takes off upstream like a fuckin' rocket. I'd heard stories of how they take a fly but was not expecting this reaction. It only fought for about five minutes, but it was well worth it. It was bigger than my landing net and I had to take it in tail first. When I weighed it on my small scale (which under-reads by about 500g), it came in at 2.1kg. I had to take it easy as I was only using a 2kg leader and didn't want to have it snap me off. Not a bad fish for a first Yellow, and I decided to go back to the pool and have a cold beer in celebration. Lunch was on the braai and I was well ready for it and the beer. The rest of the afternoon was spent in relaxed mode, trying to doze amidst the buzzing of the flies and swimming to cool off. We packed up at around 16h00 and took the short-cut home, the way we should have gone down that morning. If any of you have a list of fish to catch before you die, add the Yellowfish to it if it's not already there.

Some days need to be renamed...

Take Friday 1st December, for example, "World AIDS Day". I think it should be called "Keep it in Your Pants Day". As much as I sympathise with those that got the disease unwittingly from unscrupulous lovers not declaring their HIV Positive status, or rape victims by the same means, what other sexual reasons could there be to say "I didn't know"? By now, at least one half of a couple about to engage in some form of casual sexual activity should be aware that unprotected sex could cause one or both of them to become infected. So...if in doubt...KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! Abstension is the only truly safe means to not spread the disease. Ignorance or plain stupidity is not! As for taking a shower straight afterwards, according to the experts it will not prevent you from catching a potential death sentance (as was claimed in court by our "esteemed" ex-Vice President whom, having had sex with a HIV Positive woman, claimed that he had a shower straight afterwards and would therefore not catch the disease). KEEP IT IN YER FUCKIN' PANTS!!! It's the only way to remain Negative...

Someone's going to Hell for this...

Probably me, cos I had tears running down my cheeks...

Apparently, they've been around for a while...

but I've only recently started listening to them. If you're into Rock music, check these guys out. Their new album, IV, is awesome, particularly the track Ten Speed of God's Blood and Burial (Ten Speed for short, which you can watch on the site) which introduced me to them when I saw it on MTV late one Friday night. Under the Media link, they also have an awesome couple of pictures you can download as wallpaper for your machine, like I have... Here's the link: --> Coheed and Cambria

Ok, he asked for it...

so I told him what he thought he wanted to hear... "Who?" I hear you ask. His Royal Highness, the Master of The House, he-whose-praises-shall-be-sung-on-high-by-angels, the legend in his own lunchtime... No, people, not Max...my boss. Just over a week ago, I get stopped in a passageway in the office by my manager, saying he wants to get together for ten minutes to discuss some things. I can see there's a worried look on his face, and with due reason. We have had his boss, the department executive, going around the office for the last couple of Fridays talking to various of my colleagues, and myself, asking whether we know of any "factions" within the business unit. Factions? There's bloody great rift valleys at the moment. And the manager's oblivious to it cos he's never there for one, and two, he doesn't listen to his people anyway. Anyway, due to various reasons including a two-day conference I was at last week about Shit Towne's (Joburg) (in)ability to host its part of the 2010 World Cup (more about that perhaps, in another posting if I feel inclined - it's been 20-odd fuckin' days since my last posting, so gimme a break) and his busy schedule, we've missed the opportunity to meet and talk. So I decide to send him an official invitation. Needless to say, it's not answered by after 13h00 and we're supposed to be meeting at 14h30. I'm going to go into the office especially for the chat. A quick call to his secretary and I determine that he's on his way out of the office with one of my colleagues to have exactly the same chat as we're going to have...the plot thickens. I chuckle into the phone as, the guy he's about to have coffree with at a local restaurant, has just about vowed that if he gets you-know-who into an office alone, he'll punch shit out of him. Perhaps that's why he decided to do it in a public place... I get to the meeting place, early as usual, sit and have coffee and a chat with Max and another colleague and ten minutes from meeting time the phone goes. He's going to be "ten minutes" late...yeah, right. Would that be local time, or fuckin' Martian light years? Twenty five minutes later, he rocks up, nonchalant as if he's two days early. "Shall we find somewhere to chat?" he says. "Sure", I reply and we go sit in a corner out of earshot of everyone else around. "Do you play golf?" he asks, looking at the logo on my Polo golf shirt. I think "You know I play golf and that it's usually about once a year that I play", so I say to him "You know I play golf and that it's usually about once a year that I play", and he says with a smile "Yes, I know you play".....so why fuckin' ask, twat? Good start... He opens by saying, "I hear you have some issues that we may want to discuss and resolve. I can see you're not happy and what I'm seeing is not the Steve that I first started working with." I think "No shit, Sherlock?" and reply, "Yes, I have a few, some of which you know and some others as well, but we haven't had a chance to discuss them yet." So I start off by telling him that I hope this hasn't come about as a result of my chat with his boss, which I'd hoped would be confidential, and he looks acceptably sheepish, which speaks volumes. I remind him that my biggest issue is the volume and type of work I do for the unit, compared to my crappy salary that I'm getting for it. I also tell him that what he told me in our last chat about needing a special business case to justify an increase out of salary review cycles is bullshit. I have first-hand experience at that, as Steph also works for the company and recently got a 15% increase out of the blue when her boss found out how much she earned compared to the rest of her team. Basically, I was calling him a liar. More sheepish looks... So we talk about his lack of trust in his people and how more decision-making should be left with the people. We need a manager, not a controller, as he currently is. I talk about how he needs to listen to his people, be receptive to them coming to him with issues. He's very business-driven and rightly so, but his people management skills are sadly lacking, and I tell him so. I figured that if my conversation with his boss could have been career-limiting, fuckit, I'm already doomed. There's various other things we chat about, mostly myself talking, him listening and his face getting longer as we progress. Fuck knows what was going through his mind, but I don't think it was "When I get home, I'm going to rip the wife's knickers right off and roger her on the lounge coffee table." Somehow, I doubt it... Forty minutes into the debate (so much for ten), he looks like he's about to get up and leave. So I ask him my piece de resistance question..."You've been in the job for sometime now. Do you ever feel like you were set up to fail?" He knew what sort of state the business was in when he took over, what it might entail to bring it out of its slump, and his background as a Client Executive (glorified sales person) was not exactly the training I figured would have suited the manager's position. Anyway...it's his career, not mine. He thinks for all of about five seconds and with a confused, surprised, look on his face, says "Why would you think that?" I tell him about the above (state of the business, et al) and unconvincingly he says "No, I don't think that. Why would management do that to me?" Well, there's various reasons, I think. "Perhaps they wanted to close the unit down, prove to executive management that it's not one of the core business functions of the company, and needed an expendable scapegoat to carry out their fiendish plan?" I ask. He's clearly never thought of this before and I can see he might be discussing it later with his wife as he rogers her over the lounge coffee table. Another fifteen minutes of debate ensues and I know that he has to leave for another meeting, to discuss some issues with our Marketing people (another hopeless bunch). On the way out I reassure him that if he wants to continue our discussion at some point, that I'm always available. Maybe he'll invite me for coffee one day, just before they hand me my marching orders for insubordination. What the hell, C'est la vie...he asked what was on my mind...

In case you're thinking of coming to SA for the 2010 World Cup...

here's a sample of the type of hotel you might be staying in...rustic, original, the real African experience, located in an affluent township (not too far from oor hoose, actually)... Viewed from the unusually tree-free street walkway. Front view. Note the photo of the model, upstairs between the windows. Close up on the front door security system. Really makes you feel safe. Everybody still keen on coming out for the big event? :-)

EVEN BETTER NEWS...

It's now just about 12h15pm and Dad arrived home about an hour ago. I spoke to the folks just a few minutes ago and they're both in fine spirits, especially Dad who has already had umpteen cups of tea. Apparently the hospital only made tea twice a day, which tasted like piss. Anyone who knows Dad will also know that his "normal" tea has the consistency of swamp mud and teaspoons, left too long in the cup, have been known to rust away adding to the sediment at the bottom. It's good to have him back...

GREAT NEWS...

I just got a text message on my mobile that Dad might be going home tomorrow...excellent news...

This Past Weekend - Part 3, Sunday...

Sunday morning was not much different to Saturday, up early to go fishing only to find the wind already blowing. Not a problem though as Mum was already awake and sitting up in bed, reading. We turned on the TV and tuned into the Japanese F1 Grand Prix which was just about to start. I didn't even know that Mum liked F1...go figure. She's a bit like Steph when it comes to sport..."oh, for fuck sakes, sport on the telly again", so it was a pleasant surprise to be able to watch the race with her. And what a race it was...just as I thought the German fuckwit was about to go and win another race, with 6 laps to go, the Ferrari engine goes and blows up. Disgust on Mum's part, as she's a "Schumie" fan (I thought she had taste), but cries of elation and punching of the air on my part. Yes, I support Alonso. There's just something about that square German jaw that makes me want to punch shit out of it... Today, we decide to shower and get ready earlier than Saturday and go and have breakfast at the same place we had lunch the day before. After breakfast and buying the newspaper for Dad, we arrive at the hospital right at opening time. To cast a little more light on Government hospitals in SA, let it suffice to say these are places you don't want to end up in when you come out to for the World Cup in 2010 (if it happens). To give you a small example, Mum had to take a towel through for Dad, as the hospital "does not supply towels to patients" (straight from the ward sister's mouth). Anyway, he's getting treated and that's the main thing... Dad's in fine spirits when we get there, except for the fact that he'd had the nurses making a racket again. I told him I think it's cultural...SA blacks have a tendency to speak loudly, but this is to let you know they are there and not sneaking up on you to steal your stuff or assault you. I notice on the digital machine above the bed that Dad's blood pressure is more or less normal, but that his heart rate is up by twelve beats from the day before. I ask the sister about this and she says it's a good sign. The heart is beating faster because it can as it is a little less restricted than the day before. A good sign indeed... Apparently Dad will still be in the hospital for a couple of more days, more for observation and rest than any special treatment, but I'd rather have him there for that period so that he can continue convincing himself that his smoking days are over and his lifestyle is changing for good. Some friends of my folks arrived while we were still there and it was during that time that I decided that things were looking up, that Dad was getting better and Mum was handling the situation, that I was going to drive home after leaving the hospital. If I had been in any doubt as to either of those reasons, I would have stayed on longer. As it is right now, I'm happy with the progress of both parents, so I'm happy with my decision to come home to my life up here in Joburg. The drive home, however, was not without mishap. The road was busy, with more trucks and heavy lorries than I ever remember seeing travelling between Durban and Joburg on a normal, "non-holiday", weekend. The accident I witnessed though, had nothing to do with lorries. I was about 175km from home and it had been dark for about 30mins. About 100m in front of me was a Nissan bakkie (pickup) and I moved into the righthand lane to overtake it. As I got into the lane, I heard a loud bang, saw a puff of dust from under the Nissan, and reslised that he'd had a tyre explode. The driver must have stood on the brakes (wrong thing to do in the circumstances) as he lost control of the car. It swerved in front of me, first left then right, upon which the righthand wheels dug into the road and the car rolled twice, straight across my path. Doing about 140km/hr, I stood on my brakes, while trying to watch what's going on and reach for the hazard lights switch at the same time to warn other drivers behind me. I noticed in my rear view mirror that other drivers had also switched on their hazard lights and were slowing down. The Nissan came to a halt, about 50m ahead of where it had started rolling, half on the fast lane of the highway and half on the grass verge between the opposing sides of the highway. I managed to stop without hitting anything, or being hit from behind, and pulled onto the grass shoulder with my full beam lights on to show what was happening in front of me. I noticed a child, perhaps 5yrs old, jump through the open hole where the windscreen had been, run across the highway onto the grass, an adult get up and run from the middle of the highway onto the same piece of grass as the child and grab hold of the boy. I saw another adult drag an elderly lady from the road and lay her down on the grass in front of my car. In total, there were five adults and two children in the bakkie, and each one of them had some form of injury except for the driver who was shaken, but unhurt. I grabbed my phone and jumped out of the car, remembering that I'd passed a police car about a minute before all the drama unfolded. I ran back up the way I'd travelled, waving at passing cars to slow down and move to the lefthand side of the highway. The policeman had stopped about 50m back from my car, and turned on his blue roof lights. When I got to him, he was already on the phone, calling for assistance. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, the policeman and I were the only ones to stop and offer any form of assistance to these people. To all the others who had stopped behind me and witnessed the carnage, and had carried on without at least offering to help, FUCK THE LOT OF YOU!! My car was still parked just before the accident scene, with hazards flashing a warning to oncoming motorists, but was quite ineffective when you are working in otherwise pitch blackness. The policeman had no charged batteries for his torch (fuck knows what he'd been doing with them) and no form of attracting attention other than a luminous strip on his overcoat. While he waved the overcoat to get cars to move to the left, I ran back to my car and grabbed a hazard triangle (compulsory in bakkies, as they should be in ALL vehicles) and started waving that at the oncoming cars. We were about 100m up the highway from the scene, and, needless to say there were some absolute fuckin' arseholes coming at us without reducing their speed. On two occasions, cars passed us doing more than the speed limit and one of them missed the Nissan by mere millimetres (I thought he was going to plow into the Nissan and complicate things more) and just carry on without even touching his brakes, while the other one saw the accident at the last moment and almost lost control of his car while trying to swerve out of the path of the Nissan. FUCK YOU TWO, AS WELL!! Happily, nobody connected the Nissan or any other person at the scene. An elderly man, a passenger of the Nissan, had been in the road picking up belongings just seconds before the speedsters came past us. If he'd been there seconds later, we would have had another accident. I offered a bottle of water, the only sustenance I had with me at that time, to one of the female passengers to offer to the rest of the victims while we continued slowing traffic. We managed to create enough of a backlog of cars so as to slow the entire highway down to a crawl, getting everyone to move across to the left. Needless to say, there was also a considerable amount of "rubber-necking" going on as people tried to see what was going on as they passed the accident scene. The first of the paramedics arrived within 15mins or so of the accident happening, and immediately the lady paramedic took a look at the elderly woman, who had been propped up by (what I assumed to be) her family, her back against the legs of one of the other female passengers. The elderly lady had considerable head injuries and I saw the paramedic feel for a pulse on the jugular vein, then lie the old lady down, so I fear the worst for her. I can't confirm it, but I think she died at the scene. An ambulance arrived, as did an Emergency Medical Services person from the toll company who control that piece of the highway. I asked him if he needed anything from me, but was told that they just needed my contact details in case there was an inquiry (I expect that, if the old lady did die, I might be getting a call for a statement). After that, I gave my details to the policeman with whom I had been directing traffic, and he said thanks for my efforts. As I got back in my car and reversed from the scene, a doctor was putting a stethoscope to his ears to check for a heartbeat on the old lady, but I don't know what the outcome was. The lady paramedic also came up to my window and said thanks for my assistance and I told her I'd given my details to the other two guys if they need me. As there was nothing else I could do, I got back onto the highway and immediately phoned home to tell Steph that I'd be a little later than expected. She said that she'd expected me to be home already, but was glad that I was okay and on my way. I got home about an hour later than expected, but unharmed... A weekend, as I'm sure you'll agree, I don't want to experience again...

This Past Weekend - Part 2, Saturday...

As we were only going into the hospital at around 10h30, I woke up early to see if I could do a bit of fishing (of course I took my rods down, just in case I got some time), but the wind was up earlier than I was, blowing from the North East and not good for throwing flies. Instead, Mum and I pottered about around the house, had a cup of tea and a slice of toast to keep us going until after we'd been to see Dad, when we'd go and have a decent lunch somewhere. Around 10h30, we got the car out of the garage and headed into Port Shepstone hospital. Dad was propped up in bed, a pillow supporting him, with all sorts of sticky pads stuck to various parts of his chest and shoulders and a couple of them leading cables to a digital machine above the bed. He was in surprisingly good spirits and I know this cos he crapped all over me for driving down to be there. We chatted about how he felt (okay, considering), what sort of a night he'd had (noisy nurses in the ward), and what the prognosis from the doctor was. As I mentioned previously, the doctor has told him he is never to smoke again, or he will die. I can tell by his tone of voice that he will now give it up for good though. Dad is not usually scared by medical problems and they are usually seen as an inconvenience, but this time is different. He is not scared, but is angry at himself for getting to be in this state. What was that about hindsight? Dad has always been of the opinion that, when he goes, it will be sudden. This episode, however, has given him new food for thought. He's also had enough time alone in the hospital, so far, to think. He's stated that he has now given up smoking (even said he wasn't craving one after two days of not having had one), is going to change his diet (we joked about going out shopping and top of our list is carrots - Dad hates carrots) and is going to try and get some exercise, even if it just means walks on the beach (something that hasn't been done in a while since Pandora couldn't manage it). I hope, for all our sakes but especially for his and Mum's, that he keeps to his word. Anyway, at about noon, the nurse told us in a roundabout way that we had to leave and we went and had lunch, followed by grocery shopping. That afternoon was spent in fron of the TV, watching the Currie Cup rugby semi-finals where both the teams I wanted to win (Sharks especially) lost. The final is going to be a humdinger though, going by the semi's performances. That evening, we had "Stovies" for dinner (years since Mum made them - for those who don't know, it's a Scottish dish of boiled potatos with ham and veg on the side) and sat down to watch a series drama called "The Commander". It's an English police drama and is quite good. During the commercial break, I switched to the TV guide and noticed that Scotland was playing France in the Euro 2008 qualifiers. "Oh, shit", I told myself, not expecting a favourable result. Much to my surprise, when I switched over with about three minutes left on the football clock, I saw that Scotland had gone one up...ya fuckin' dancer!! We happily watched the end of the game (Mum is as staunch a Scotland supporter as I am) and then watched the end of the drama. With not much else on the box for the rest of the night, Mum ended up dozing off on the couch and then went to bed around 9:30pm. I sat up for a while longer, watching the final qualifying round for the Japanese F1 Grand Prix, then went off to bed around 11:30pm...

This Past Weekend - Part 1, Friday...

Friday started as most Friday's do...up about 7am, shower, shave, shampoo, shit, (no shag this time), shumshing to eat, schlepp off to the office... All was going well until Mum phoned at around 11h50, and I could hear straight away there was something not right. Turns out, my Dad had had a "mild" heart attack. What I could get out of her didn't tell me much as she was understandably weepy and distressed. I asked her if I needed to be down at the coast with them (about 6.5hrs drive) to be with them. Typically, as a colleague later put it, Mum said that it wasn't necessary. For the time being, I left it at that. At about 12h30, I phoned Mum, who had just arrived home, still in a state, for an update. At about 7am that morning, Dad had got up, done all the usual stuff and complained about a sore chest, saying that it was "worse than the night before" when it was thought to be gas, or suspected shingles. Dad had a doctor's appointment already set up for 11am, so they weren't too concerned at that time. By 8am, however, Dad said that he couldn't take the pain any more and Mum would have to take him to the doctor right then. Off they went, and once there, the doctor told him he'd suffered the "mild" heart attack, gave him a nitro tablet to melt under his tongue and immediately had him hospitalised at Port Shepstone (about 30mins from home). Mum had stayed with him right up until when she'd phoned me with the news, just after he'd told her to go home as there wasn't anything she could do except stress him out further. Stress him out? Imagine what she was going through... In between the phone calls, I'd been questioning myself about going down to be with them and had almost decided not to, due to the cost of the travel (things are tight since the build). It was at that time that I could have slapped myself for being so selfish. What if things were worse than I'd been told? What if I was putting a cost on not seeing my Dad alive again? I cursed myself and immediately told Mum that I'd be down later that day, that I would drive down, leaving the office immediately and hitting the highway after getting home to pack a few things. After letting Steph know what was up, and telling our Illustrious Leader as I was leaving the office, I went home to pack. The drive took me about six and a quarter hours, uneventful, except for thoughts running through my mind about what the future might hold and again berating myself for initially being so selfish. I arrived at Mum's at 8:50pm, about 10mins earlier than I'd expected to be there. Usually Mum greets me/us with a little wave and a smile as we drive in through the gate, but this time she didn't and I could see on her face in the glare of the headlights that she was taking strain. While I let the diesel engine run for a couple of minutes to cool the turbo down, I held Mum who started sobbing quietly, then we went inside. I poured us both a stiff single malt, sat her down and told her to tell me the whole story. Now that I was there, I could put a picture of events together and ask some questions. It appears that the doctor has told Dad that he is extremely lucky to have had this "mild" heart attack and that it was brought on by his excessive smoking (at one point, a few years ago, Dad was known to have regularly smoked 90 cigarettes on an 8-hour shift...you work out the math on that one!). Due to the smoking, he has had severe hardening of the arteries, to which the doctor has told Dad it will never get better but will get worse and will kill him if he carries on. Needless to say, Dad has vowed to quit and so has Mum. Ironically, in the week leading up to the attack, Mum and Dad had both been cutting down on their smoking with a view to quitting altogether. Anyway, Friday ended up with Mum in better spirits (she only had one drink so it wasn't that). I think it was because I was there, had spoken her through the day's events, reassured her as much as I could, and we'd put a plan of sorts to carry out on Saturday...into the hospital (visiting hours between 11am and 12pm) to see how Dad was progressing, and some retail therapy for her (even if it was only groceries). So, at around 11pm, we decided to call it a night...

For Want of a More Challenging Fishing Experience...

I've decided that, unless we got to a trout resort, or Steph needs a few trout for the freezer, from now on I'm going to target one of South Africa's best fighting fresh water fish, the Yellowfish. I'm a member of a forum, Fly Talk which, though based in SA, gets subscribers from all over the world and where one can exchange all sorts of information fishing related. On the forum, I posted a brief note asking the members where their favourite sites on the Vaal River would be to catch these sought-after fish (which are taken on Catch And Release only), from which I was referred to another bloggers site, Yellows On Fly. It's an interesting site, full of valuable information and maintained by Keith Wallington who is obviously more of a fanatic about catching "Yellows" than I am (for the moment anyway, or at least until I catch my first lunker). I'll add the link to my list down the side for anyone who cares to pop in there now and then...

"Someone finally said it..."

This is a transcript of an email that was sent to me, not my own writing. Obviously it was written by some rightwing yob in the USA, but he/she raises a few valid points... {start quote} There is some truth to all of this.... Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK. But when I call you "Nigger", "Kike", "Towelhead", "Sand-nigger", "Camel Jockey", "Beaner", "Gook", or "Chink" you call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists. If we had White History Month, we'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist. I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this email. Let's see which of you are proud enough to forward it. {end quote} Jump up and down, shout foul, or whatever you want to. There is some validity to the above...go on, admit it...

I'm having issues right now...

on a personal level with my boss and, as a result, am feeling quite depressed. Not suicidal, I hasten to add, but thanks for thinking like that. Such is my depression that I have abstained from posting anything for a while due to a total lack of interest in writing anything more than reports for my customers and responding to the flood of emails in my Inbox on a daily basis. Rest assured, however, that I do still pop into my regular blog-buddies' sites now and then, read their latest offerings and post the occasional comment. You lot will be the first to know what comes of my relationship with my boss and when I eventually surface from the fug of this melancholiness.

Human Nature, Religion, Culture Clashes and Terrorist Plots...

how often is it that one of these leads to, or influences, one or more of the others? More and more often, as it seems. It's a foregone conclusion that with the spread of people through the world, often as a result of wanting a better life for one's self or family, that sometimes as a result of intolerance and countless other reasons, there are eventually going to be differences springing up between people and nations. And rather than handling them properly through honesty, deliberation, tolerance, understanding, and an acceptance of each other's differences and staying "out of each other's faces" to the benefit of everyone, the differences escalate into disagreements and violence, sometimes localised but in the case of recent events international, to the detriment of people, property and cultures. Disclaimer: Before you read the next paragraph, be sure that this is not a(nother) literary attack on the USA, though they are used as an example and these are all my own ramblings... Let's face it, everyone knows (though may not be prepared to admit) that the "war on terror" is a not-so-veiled excuse for getting George W's troops in to put puppet governments in countries that have the natural resources the USA needs to carry on its existence as the "most powerful nation on earth". Actually, I remember reading somewhere that the USA probably has more oil reserved under its own territories than in all the countries their troops are currently deployed in. The problem is that the USA wants to use everyone else's before its own so that it can be seen as even "more powerful" and can have everyone kissing their ass for the resources, and so bring the world to "embrace" their version of Western culture (also known as the "American Dream"). Global slavery, I'd call it...but back to the topic at hand... Take the recent spate of international attacks and bombings on civilians and holiday makers as the first example. Many people around the world are under the impression that large numbers of these bombings and killings are because of religious reasons - because that's the impression you may get from listening to the media and other influences they may be receptive to. Not so...I believe they are cultural with religion being used as an excuse. In many instances, local politics is the reason behind attacks on innocent populations and tourists, with the attacks carried worldwide by the ever-hungry media giving the attention to the perpetrators of the violence that they want. That's the attackers' cowardly way of trying to bring about change in their country, claiming that their Governments are not listening to their demands (maybe that's part of the problem assholes, stop demanding things and start working together toward achieving them through peaceful means - it is possible, I believe) and so it is perceived that violence is part of the culture in those countries. As the second example, take Iraq, where terrorists/freedom fighters want the Western Forces out of their country (and who can blame them, we all want sovereignity for our motherlands) because they do not want the western culture and means of government instilled in their people and want to live their own culture (which includes religion and government). The Iraqi fighters are also prepared to do anything to achieve the withdrawal of the western forces, including killing their own people in these attacks. Popular dissatisfaction is growing in Iraq and no matter how much PR the Western forces throw at the problem, there will be no peace in Iraq until the troops are deployed elsewhere and the culture is allowed to return to an Iraqi culture. Eventually, Iraq will become another Vietnam for the Western forces and there will be no "winners", only losers, the people of Iraq. I say leave them to their culture and if it doesn't look or sound nice to Westerners, so what? It's theirs and nobody should be trying to influence/change it, except themselves. The same goes for the Western culture. As the third example, the recent "war" in the Middle East is another example of the mix-up between culture and religion. Again, it's not religion, but a cultural battle raging to the detriment and destruction of Lebanon and its people...as if they haven't had enough war in their recent past. In this case, Hezbollah wants to destroy Israel and the Israeli culture, with religion as one of the reasons. Take the wars that have raged in that area over the last few millenia and they've all been fought over the same reasons with culture at the heart of it all and religion used as the excuse. That's something that's always baffled me...religions are supposed to spread the word of peace and harmony among men, yet it's often at the heart of many a disagreement between those same men...go figure. Two weeks ago, in the UK, there was almost another Jihad against the West. And for what? The simple, ridiculous, reason that one of the Pakistani cricketers was perceived to have tampered with the ball. No religion involved there, but for some people sport is a part of their culture, my partially-adopted South African culture included. All because that daft fuckin' Darryl Hair (the centre of more cricketing controversies in his short umpiring career than Ian Botham in his entire playing career) decided to lay down the laws of the game in a rush of blood to the head with no definitive proof. He was perfectly entitled to enforce the rules, I hear you say, and I couldn't agree more. It was just the way that it was done that caused the furore and almost led to another culture clash. The latest to come out of the UK is the Government admitting that it may have made some mistakes regarding its immigration policies. I couldn't agree more with them. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes people want a better life for themselves and their families, and often that means moving to a different country (my family included in that, as we moved to SA from Scotland in 1969). You cannot blame people for wanting better lives, it's part of human nature, but then those people should be prepared to embrace all the good things about the culture they are moving to. Unfortunately, religion comes into it again though. Take any Westerner who wants to go to a predominantly Moslem country and they are required to live in compounds (in many instances) and their freedom of movement is severely restricted. This is not only an infringement on basic human rights, but it is ascribed to religious requirements. If this is the case, then how much of an uproar do you think there would be if the predominantly Christian countries suddenly created compounds for Moslems (or any other religion for that matter). In short, it's nothing short of cultural racism, blamed on religion. I guess one also has to look at what makes up a "culture" and the use of the term. Human nature is one of the prime ingredients. The influences of people on others causes influences in the culture of that country, city, and hell, even down to street level. In fact, taking it to the extreme, even down to individual home level. My home culture is different to every other home around us and it's partially due to influences from the neighbours. Some of them we are very good friends with, others we greet on the odd occasion we pass each other in the driveway or on the street. Human nature and culture has dictated whom we will and will not socialise with, and our respective cultures are affected accordingly. In other words, there are many different ways to interpret "culture". It goes without saying that religion makes up part of a culture too. The differences between Christianity and Islam, to name but two religions (though there are many similarities between them), are many. Christians are/were traditionally seen by the Moslems as infidels, and vice versa the Moslems are/were seen as babrarians by the Christians. Archaic terminology perhaps, but these are/were terms used by the different cultures in which these religions are/were dominant. We all have our ideas of what culture means to us. For me, aside from human nature and religion, it's things like language, government, skin colour, sport, love for the motherland, caring towards your fellow man and not just countrymen (something sadly lacking in SA, but that's another posting), law abidance, politics, tolerance for other human beings and their differences, culinary "peculiarities" (take spinach for example, that's peculiar, and not in my culture), style of housing, customs, habits, humour, curios (the Hairy Haggis is a prime example of Scottish "culture" where we try and convince the world that this is the edification of some poor little creature that we like to eat, which inhabits the highlands of our beautiful country), fauna and flora of the country (most countries have a national flower and animal - SA has the Protea and the Springbok, Scotland has the Thistle and fucked-if-I-can-remember-what-the-animal-is, probably beaver). My list is by no means comprehensive, but you pick it and somewhere it fits into the cultural make-up of a nation and its people. Sadly, each culture also has its nasty side too. SA is a prime example of that where a few arrogant white politicians tried to impose apartheid on the population (no colour mentioned there as it affected all colours in one or other way, even to this day). Religion can also be a nasty due to the above reasons of having caused more wars than any other cultural trait in history. There are many lessons learned from history where cultural differences caused hostility and wars between nations, clans, and even family members, but somehow the human race seems to keep repeating these mistakes. Personally, I embrace all the positive things not just about SA and Scotland, but about the human race itself and I try to "stay out of the face" of other people and not antagonise them but understand them and come to agreement with them and agree to disagree on issues. And that makes up my "culture"...what makes up yours?

Before Max gets all happy...

handing out another toilet seat, let me assure him that I'm busy working on a piece and expect to post it sometime soon. Right now, I'm off to the weekly meeting, otherwise known as a good excuse to waste an hour and a half drinking coffee...

Ah don'd no ow bud Ah god de flu...

ad ah reellee don'd no ow, cos ah wuz inn de zun de ole wikend pintin de gade. Ride dnow ah god de sniffels, ruddy doze, zore troat ad watry ayez. Ah tink ah'd be bedder off in mah bed bud ah god sum wurk ah huff te fennesh. Mebbe ah'll god te mah bed lader...{ahchoo, shniff}...